FOLLOWING on from a previous post about the demise of the term Neets in Scotland, I have finally discovered the actual phrase which Fiona Hyslop, the education minister, has decided should replace the better known term: “Young people requiring more choices, more chances”. Aw, the nice…

Still, my version wasn’t far off the mark.

KENNY MacAskill really ought to know better. His party has had to issue a humiliating apology after putting the justice minister and two Central Scotland Police officers on one of their leaflets in the Glasgow East campaign. Electoral rules explicitly forbid the use of officers on party election literature if they can be identified.

Now, you would have thought that the SNP justice minister, who is also a lawyer, would have known that, wouldn’t you?

An SNP spokeswoman said the party had issued an apology to the officers involved through the Scottish Police Federation and said that the leaflets had now been withdrawn. Maybe the much-heralded 1000* SNP activists expected to take part in the campaign today can be put on shredding duties.

Of course, MacAskill has form on using the police for political ends.

* That’s the SNP calculation. So about a dozen in real money

TOP heckle in the House of Commons recently. In response to a colleague’s suggestion that there should be a supermarket regulator, Vale of Clwyd MP, Chris Ruane, shouted: “Off-Trolley!”

I AM informed that Scotland no longer has Neets. No, not headlice - NEETS, young people who are Not in Education, Employment or Training. Not that the SNP “government” has succeeded in getting them all into work or training, they’ve simply changed their name (allegedly).

Instead of Neets, they’re now called Young Persons Requiring Holistic Empowerment Within A Safe and Nurturing Environment. Or something.

South of Carlisle, we still have Neets, but apparently the PC police took advantage of the change in administration at Holyrood last year to pounce on inexperienced new ministers and persuade them of the case that the term Neets was somehow offensive (of course).

Altogether now: “It’s political correctness gone…”

EFFECTIVE attack by Iain Gray MSP today (in The Sun) on SNP plans for a “local” income tax. Iain rightly points out that with so many organisations opposing the plan, it would be “unpardonable folly” (now, where have we heard that before?) to proceed with it.

I don’t believe they will. Nor do I believe they ever intended to.

Alex Salmond is many things and “stupid” is not one of them. “Breathtakingly cynical” is, however. The SNP “government” desperately need excuses for the growing number of manifesto pledges they’re unable to deliver, and apart from their flagship referendum promise, this is the biggest one.

Of course, they could admit their own culpability. But let’s face it, that’s not going to happen, is it? Far easier to blame someone else: the classic “a big boy done it and ran away” excuse, the “big boy”, in this case, being the government (as opposed to “government”). Yes, the plans are fatally flawed, and yes, everyone - including members of the Scottish Executive - can see that. The SNP’s financial reasoning is about as watertight as… well, as something that’s not very watertight at all, actually.

No, the aim of Salmond and Co. is not to introduce a local income tax, or even a “local” income tax; their aim is to fail to introduce it, blame the UK government and then hold a referendum, citing Westminster’s alleged sabotage as a reason to break up our nation.

We should be grateful to Iain for exposing the plans as unworkable; the blame for this new tax’s ultimate non-introduction will lie full square in Bute House and nowhere else.

GOOD sitcoms are hard to find. For every classic series like “Fawlty Towers” there are at least half a dozen abysmal offerings like “Allo, Allo”, “Oh, Dr Beeching!” or “You Rang, M’Lord?”. And even “Fawlty Towers” lasted only two seasons - a grand total of just 12 episodes.

So when a good, well-written comedy appears, grab it with both hands. That’s exactly what E4 have done with the brilliant “Inbetweeners”, now being repeated at various times of the week. If you haven’t seen it, it’s well worth investing in the DVD.

It follows four over-sexed teenage boys at an English comprehensive school, and their variously disastrous experiences with girls, cars, teachers, pubs and girls. The language is as coarse as I have ever heard on TV but it is hugely entertaining, largely thanks to the quality of the writing and the acting of the leading players. The four boys come across as vulnerable, insecure, confused, eager and very, very funny. In fact, pretty much like real teenagers. Oddly, given the filthy language, “Inbetweeners” is entirely charming and optimistic.

The point of all this enthusiasm is that I met an acquaintance recently who works for Channel 4, and when I told him how much I loved “Inbetweeners”, he told me that a second season has been commissioned. Excellent.

One word of advice: if you’re a teenager, don’t watch it with your parents in the same room. And if you’re the parent of teenagers, well, you get the picture.

VENUES in Glasgow’s East End are battling it out for the privilege of being next in line to chuck Nicola Sturgeon off their premises.

Following her eviction by a security guard from a shopping centre two days ago, Nicola – known as “Ray of Sunshine” to her friend – has been in demand from shopkeepers, landlords and homeless persons, all vying to beat the record for how long it takes between Nicola dismissing her host with a haughty wave of her hand to landing on her backside on the pavement outside.

BBC Scotland are expected to film the next eviction. But not broadcast it.

COUNTING and numbers and stuff have never been a strong point for the SNP. Just look at their claims for 1000 extra police, the so-called fiscal surplus and the fairyland numbers behind their “local” income tax.

And when it comes to polling, they are past masters at thinking of a number and then doubling it. No doubt they will be at it again with polling numbers in the next few days of the by-election campaign.

But it’s not the first time in the campaign they’ve shown a less than rigorous approach to number crunching.

Last weekend they claimed they had 500 supporters at a rally in Glasgow East in support of hard-line nationalist John Mason (the man who takes the fun out of “fundamentalist” then bores it to death). But a careful study of pictures of the event reveals just 147, with perhaps three behind a poster, trying not to be seen (and who can blame them?).

There’s really no excuse for this level of innumeracy (I blame the “government”). The problem, of course, is that the media eat it up every time, so you can hardly expect the nats to be more honest with their figures when they know they’ll get away with it every time.

* According to a calculator nicked from SNP headquarters

JOHN Michie, the Taggart actor, supported Scottish independence a year ago. Now he’s supporting Labour. So a Labour gain, then. Good story. How about it, BBC Scotland, fancy running with this one?

Er, yes, well…

Our good friends at the BBC (you know, the same ones who are trying to protect Smilin’ Nicola Sturgeon from any public embarassment caused by her rudeness to a security guard) reckon that the real story is that Mr Michie used to support independence, and that therefore this is a bad news story for Labour! No, seriously.

I wonder how many SNP card-carriers there actually are at Pacific Quay?

SMILIN’ Nicola Sturgeon is getting all precious over recent coverage in the blogosphere of her inelegant exit from a shopping centre in Glasgow East. She was in the middle of an interview with the BBC when she was reminded by a member of staff at the centre that she didn’t have permission to film there. She immediately waved away the member of staff with a high-handed (literally) “I’m speaking!”

Security guards in Glasgow East know how to handle this sort of arrogance, and Ms Sturgeon was marched forthwith from the centre.

After the heroic blogger Kezia Dugdale broke the news this morning, Sturgeon emailed her personally demanding that she withdraw the post. She didn’t deny the truth of the story (well, she couldn’t - it was true), just demanded it be removed. Strange.

What’s even stranger is that the BBC, who were conducting the interview and who had the whole thing recorded, have refused to use it. Presumably it will be a centrepiece of BBC Scotland’s Christmas party, but isn’t there a public interest in seeing how an SNP “cabinet” minister behaves towards working class people trying to do their jobs?

Why on earth are the BBC keeping this under wraps? Something smells.